We have completed our first week of the Master Keys Mastermind Experience! Honestly, this has been a rough week! I had/have so many negative thoughts and feelings about myself going through my mind day in and day out. The struggle is REAL! I’m not good enough. I’m fat. I’m too tired. I’m exhausted. I will never be able to completed that “rank, sale, whatever”. Blah, blah, blah…you name it, I’m sure I’ve said it to myself. I think that once we get into a cycle of negative self-talk, we tend to be SO far down the rabbit hole before we really realize the effect that it is having on each of us. I started noticing the effect about 6 months ago. I kept trying to change it and I said that what I was doing wasn’t good, but I still continued to say things like that to myself! Now…fast forward…I was laying in bed and I was saying to myself “Geez I sure wish that I could take that MKMMA course again (I took it in 2013) and I woke up the next day and decided to search for the course and see when it was available. BAM! Guess what, the applications were due THAT NIGHT! Now…if you guys consider that “coincidence” then you will soon learn that I feel something totally different. I believe that things happen for a reason. I hadn’t thought about the MKMMA experience a whole lot over the past two years, but that night I thought about it so much that the first thing I did was search for it and I found it all over again. To say that I feel like that NEED to be here would be an understatement!
See, what makes this even more bizarre is that since 2013, my last MKMMA experience, I have reverted back to my maiden name (divorce prior to 2013 class but held onto my married last name) and I had switched email addresses. So I wasn’t getting updates on classes. I wasn’t getting updated on Go90Grow. I wasn’t getting anything! I KNOW the value in this course and I searched it out. I know the MASSIVE change that I saw in me in 2013 and I’m ready for that again!
We all have huge changes that take place in our lives. I was married for 6 years, divorced in 2010. Met a great guy in 2012. Dating him, he proposed, we were engaged, then something “clicked” and I realized that I couldn’t marry that man for various reasons that are way too big for a blog. I broke off the engagement in Dec 2014. Ironically, breaking off that engagement was harder on me than going through my divorce. My self esteem had taken a hit over the previous year, I started gaining weight, I started doubting myself, and breaking it off with him for the last time (there were many times before that) was a very strong moment for me, but it HURT and it has deeply affected me. I went into a large depression. Tried to eat myself out of it. Gained a ton of weight, which affected my self esteem even more, and now it has been 10 months and I have had my self-pity-party for long enough. It’s time to make CHANGES! I’m ready to get up. I’m ready to stand straight and tall. I’m ready to love myself again!
This week the challenge has been getting up early enough in the morning to read and the most difficult struggle is the 15 min sit! I honestly don’t remember it being this hard the first time! I swear that I fall asleep but yet I’ve been hypnotized in the past and the therapist always said that I wasn’t asleep, I was hypnotized. She also told me that there are ways to self-hypnotize. So maybe that is what the 15 min sit is doing to me? Maybe that is mediating? Or maybe I’m falling asleep sitting straight up b/c that is what single mothers of two young son’s, working full time, volunteering/leading community organizations, does when we have to sit still for even a moment! Honestly, I don’t think that I will ever fully know the truth.
I’m beyond exciting. I’m a dry sponge, withering away, and I’m ready to drink the water and soak it all up! I know that I was sent here for a purpose!!!!!